Clueless in Romance

G!

The general rule is that
The more you are acquainted
With something the more you
Will come to know about it. By
That I mean the who, what, when,
Where and how, a manual for the
Cogs in the machine that makes
The thing work the way it is - and
If it's not too much trouble the 'Why'
Might also like to shed some light
On its secrets or hidden devices. So
Allow me to wonder why I know
So little about love though I've now
Been its companion for 3 years.
Allow me also to ask why I still
Scratch my head when I read your
Love poems, because the sensations
You describe are entirely foreign to
Me (not the ticklish feeling on the
Side of my bum when our faces
Touch - I feel that too because
I have sensitive nerves - but all
The seemingly transcendental
Experiences your prose hints
At so elusively), though not so
Foreign as to make me not
Lose sleep over it.
You know the feeling when
You're on the threshold of
A profound realization - the
Significance of which you
Have yet to grasp? Well I
Seem to be on that threshold,
Flattening myself against an
Translucent barrier that lets
Me see only shadows of what
Lies beyond my scope of
Understanding, and reveals
Nothing further. Obviously
You are telling me something
Profound (profound to you
At least), and sadly the
Substance of that profoundness
Is lost on me. It's like a letter
In invisible ink, I'd like to read
Its secrets, but I don't have the
Light to shine on the words.
You like to end your poems
With a question, so allow me
To confess that my mind
Comes up blank when I try to
Articulate the thoughts to
Generate my own such poems
And answer your inquiries. An
Unanswered question weighs
Heavily on my mind; you've
Given me several that left me
Speechless in reply. I pride
Myself on asking all the
Difficult questions, but
It looks like you're the
One giving me the most
Difficult ones all along.

Emotional Isolation

On the piece of land that
Is my figurative soul, you
Might come across
A castle - one that satisfies
Every definition of the word
"Fortress". This massive
Structure of polished
Sedimentary rock with
The mile-wide moat
Around it might
Look so imposing on
The outside that you
Might not notice the
Drawbridge is down
And the gridiron gate
Is raised. Upon entering
through the arches of the
Main gate towers, you might
Notice a reception stand with
No receptionist and the words
"Visitors are welcome" printed
On a sheet of paper taped to
The counter. There is no
Brochure to divulge the
Map of this castle, and
Most people don't take
This as an invitation to
Explore at will. The
Vast courtyard - as vast
As Tiananmen Square -
Contains not a single
Blade of grass, not a
Leaf of vegetation.
There are also no
Statues and/or fountains
Sprouting jets of water.
Naturally people don't
Give this scene a second
Glance, and miss noticing
That the large slab tiles
Paving the ground beneath
Their feet are adorned with
Intricate line carvings detailing
Great adventures and legends
Which might be quite fascinating
If you're into that kind of thing.
Make your way into the castle
Proper, and you might explore
All the many empty rooms like
Cathedrals with their spacious
Parameters and tall ceilings.
And the echoes of your
Footsteps creating music
Resonating perpetually in
The vastness. If you listen
Closely, you can hear a
Different music in every
New room you come to
(Don't worry around getting
Lost, the exit is always just
A few steps away, for a
Speedy departure); all these
Rooms are empty except
One; and naturally the
Room that isn't empty
Draws the most curiosity.
This I sometimes find
Puzzling; are a thousand
Empty universes no less
Profound than a grain of
Matter? Nevertheless, we
Are servants to our curious
Desires, and if you are
Determined to seek out
The one room that does
Not resonate with your
Own footsteps, be your
Own guest; but like I
Said before, there exists
No map to this castle,
So you cannot find your
Way to it unless you
Explore diligently with
A bit of luck at your
Side. To this day,
I don't think anyone
Has found the way to
This one room yet.

Requiem

G!

No composer in the history
Of music seemed to have
Written more than one
Requiem.

It makes sense, because
Death only comes once.

By definition a requiem is
A mass for the dead; the
Departed; the deceased.

I wonder if composers
Had in mind the mentally
Defeated teenagers of
Today as well as recently-
Rendered corpses when
They sat down to pen
Requiems.

I wonder if a composer
Has ever written a requiem
For soul-crushed high-school
Students; in our world, it seems
The mortality rate of the mind has
Risen above the mortality rate of
The body and flesh. It seems this
Mortality rate is most prevalent
Among teenagers.

If a requiem were written for
Such teenagers, I hope it is
In the key of B-flat minor.

The Worst Kind of Love

G!

The worst kind of love turns
Gallant souls into dumb idiots
And heroic hearts into cowards.

The worst kind of love is
Afraid to look you in the eye;
It is apprehensive and suspicious.

The worst kind of love does
Not break down inhibitions, it
Reinforces them instead.

The worst kind of love is
Like a hoarder who wants everything
And does nothing with anything.

The worst kind of love thinks
Treating you differently from everyone
Else justifies its love for you.

The worst kind of love is
Meek and submissive, which
Would have been fine if it isn't
Also lacking in self-esteem.
Meekness shows respect for
Others, and it doesn't mean you
Can't respect yourself all the same.

The worst kind of love always
Mumbles instead of speaking.

It's better to not love at all than to
Succumb to the worst kind of love.

Towards Ruin?

G!

I see it now.
I'm not going
To school to
Learn anymore.
I'm not going
For the facts and
equations.
I'm not going
For the verbs and
Nouns and artsy
Things either - at
Least I shouldn't be.
Nope, I should be
Going to school
For the grades,
The grades, that's
Right! The grades
Are the most important
Thing in life, more so
Than sleep, more so
Than self-preservation, and much
More so than sanity.
Without grades I have
No future, no worth, no
Nothing. Well, I guess
I'm not doing too well
At that, then. I've been
Wondering why I can't
Bring myself to study
Any of my subjects, and
The matter is simple, I was
Still convinced that I go to
School to learn. Oh silly me
How wrong I was! No I did
Not memorize those laws and
Equations, how to do those
Homework questions step-by-step,
I thought that was pointless! Oh no,
I was wrong. It's not enough to just
Write down what's important in neatly-
Packaged bullet-point notes, so even if
I forget I can simply reteach myself
The whole lessons, no! That's the pointless
Thing! What's important is do, do, do! Do more
Of it; more practice; more homework; more and
More and more until I'm a calculator at it, that's
What's important, because that's what gets me
The grades that are my whole life. Who cares if
I don't understand any of it? Knowledge is not an
end in itself, fool, is a means! It is a means
To an end and that end is grades! Grades, fool!
Get it into that stubborn head, grades is the end!
Forget knowledge, forget wisdom, forget learning
How to learn (unless I'm learning how to learn to
Acquire those grades), forget it all if I want a future,
If I want what I don't know whether I even want,
forget it all. All but grades is expendable.
Get it into that head, fool. Get it.

Failing Out of Time

G!

Sometimes I think
My brain is
Not conditioned to
Think it through
Quickly, which is
Why I run out
Of time writing
Tests. "You have
To realize that
It's your fault",
My teachers tell
Me. They say,
I don't know
How to manage
My time when
I'm answering those
Questions; they kindly
Inform me as
One would tell
A little child
How much they
Do not understand
In the world.

The ironic thing
Is I understand
The lessons, I
Just want to
Learn it on
My own terms
(Which I guess
Is the wrong
Way to learn),
That means writing
Slowly and thinking
As though I
Have all my
Life to complete
This paper in
Front of me.

What do tests
Actually measure? Surely
Not our capacity
For knowledge,
They do not
Care about that;
I personally think
Tests simply test
Our ability to
Write tests, which
They assume represents
Our intelligence and
Capacity to hold
Information, though they
Are more likely
Different things altogether.

I forfeited my
Test paper, a
Whole quarter left
Unfinished. I wonder
What the unanswered
Questions are about,
Because surely I
Knew the answers;
Sadly, the question
Is taken away
Before I could
Answer it. What
Saddens me about
This is not
My inadequacy at
Writing tests according
To their standards,
But the void
Of an unanswered
Question, an incomplete
Solution, an essential
Part of a
Whole, missing from
The canvas of
Knowledge and reasoning.

This black, hollow
Void is in
Me now, because
I did not
Fill it when
It presented itself
For its duration
Of 45 minutes.
I did not
Have the time
To fill it.
I have failed
Out of time.
I have failed.

Why I Love Romanticism

G!

Between the Enlightenment
And the birth of modern
Industry, there was a period
Of about fifty years (or longer,
But times are irrelevant) where
Intellectuals felt rather than
Thought, and produced some
Of the best works of literature,
Music and art which I am still
In the process of discovering.
Romanticism, I feel, wasn't
Really concerned with the
Practical messages artists
Of beforehand or since have
Focused so insufferably on;
It was instead a movement
Of sublimity, awe, and the
Appreciation of beauty in
Itself. I care not for the
Meaning of life, so long
As mine is filled with the
Grand aesthetic beauty
That engulfs my vision;
So long as I hear these
Magnificent melodies in
My ears as I close my
Eyes and think: 'Ah, this
Is great!' Not everything
Must have meaning, the
Most attractive things of
This earth are not practical,
Yet wholly necessary.

Self-esteem

G!

I stand upon a rock;
It's a big, hard type of
Rock, maybe a granite,
And on a good day it's
The size of four minivans
Lined up two by two and
Wrapped in a bundle.
The top of the rock is
Flat, with enough room
To lie down, pace about
And jog in little circles on.
The sides of the rock are
Smooth and polished, and
Are impossible to climb.
The only way to get on my
Rock is via a rope ladder
Which I can lower and raise
At will, and this way I control
What gets onto my rock, and
What doesn't. When I stand
Upon my rock I can see for
Miles around, and what I see
Are many rocks just like the
One I stand upon, yet most of
Them are vacant at the top.
Some people might think me
Foolish, for standing atop my
Secluded rock, where there's
Only room for myself, but
I believe as firmly as the
Firmness of my rock that
Where I am is a good place,
And I'd like to stay here.

What do you stand on?

What would Herman say about sall this?

By G!

If Herman Melville were
Alive in our time I'd
Like to venture forth a
Plausible theory that
He'd have written a book
Even more sprawling than
His masterpiece Moby Dick
Which I'm in the process
Of reading. Ours is a time
Devoid of meaning but
Full of implications;
A time that assaults the
Senses but leave nothing
Behind; a time fitting
To gaze into the pro-
Found nothingness and see
Our reflection composed
Of pixels. All that used
To be sacred is now muted
And we are left with a
Feeling of loss attributed
To some source we but
Dimly decipher. Were
Herman alive today he
Would have composed
A lament on this matter
Of such proportion to equal
The volume of ten Moby
Dicks. If he found the
Whiteness of the whale
Terrifying, what terror
Would he make of the
Blackness of the computer
Monitor? What existential
void would he find gazing
Into the flickering television
Screen? How many mad
Quests would he discover
How many indestructible
Foes in place of nature?

31. Master of the Imagination

G!

I have a small
Library of movies
From my childhood
That I had seen I don't
Know how many times,
Because when you're that
Young every movie seems
New no matter how many
Times you watch it. Most
Of those movies back then
Were Pixar or Disney, and
Then there's Spirited Away,
Which I Loved like A Bug's
Life or Toy Story, but never
Understood as much as those
Other movies until I got older;
I didn't catch on to the fact that Haku
Was a dragon until well past the halfway
Mark, I didn't understand why the river spirit
Was covered in sludge, and Chihiro's memory
Of getting saved from the river was lost on me.
Still, the things I didn't understand did little to
Detract from how awesome I felt the movie was.
And now it almost feels painful when I watch
Spirited Away again, because now I understand
It all, and the movie just becomes more and more
Relevant to life. Aside from Spirited Away, I was
Not introduced to the films of Hayao Miyazaki
Until 8th grade, when I saw Howl's Moving Castle
And was blown away by it. Incredible to say, the
8th grade me still did not understand everything
That occurred in the movie (and I had already
Caught the movie fever by then), but oh it was
A magnificent experience! After that, it's another
Year of silence until I happened upon Castle in the
Sky in 10th grade, and I became determined to seek
Out all of Miyazaki's films, I could have kicked my-
Self for missing out on so many amazing movies
For so long. Kiki's Delivery Service, Nausicaa of
The Valley of the Wind and Princess Mononoke
Quickly followed, as did My Neighbor Totoro and
Porco Rosso, capped off with Ponyo and The Castle
Of Cagliostro. The other films of Miyazaki's Studio
Ghibli I too had meanwhile watched in succession,
Brilliant movies like the lush Whisper of the Heart,
The quirky Pom Poko, and the very, very sad Grave
Of the Fireflies. Watching The Wind Rises last year,
The sadness I felt at the fact that Hayao Miyazaki
Had announced his retirement from filmmaking
Made the experience all the more bittersweet. One
Day, I hope to own a collection of Miyazaki's
Filmography. My favorite director of all time had
Been around all this time; it's ironic how I've only
Gotten to know him in the last 2 years. I find it
Difficult to delve into something I love so much, so
I'll do what a fanboy normally does: You should to
Watch the films of Hayao Miyazaki, and I mean all
Of them (there aren't even that many); every one of
His films is magnificent, inspired, and perfect; there
Is nothing that can be added to them to make them
Better. Beautiful scenery painted of watercolors, epic
Storytelling where everything falls into place, and
Thoroughly dynamic characters that leap off the
Animation into real life are the facts in a Miyazaki
Film. No other filmmaker of the present time had
So well utilized every aspect of the art of film, and
So immersed himself in the filmmaking process,
Than the undisputed master of imagination, my
Favorite director for all times, Hayao Miyazaki.

29. Honorary Mentions

G!

Time to face the facts: I'm running
Out of favorite directors to sing my
Praises for, and to a greater extent
I'm running out of sufficiently original
Praises too. Before I unveil my last and
Personally most revered director of all,
Here's a haphazard salute to some great
Directors I did not cover with this odd-
Numbered cycle of monologues: Robert
Altman, the salad-making rebel fighting
The Hollywood system, whose movies
Of huge ensemble casts, unorthodox
Storytelling and improvised naturalism
Are spectacular sights to behold even
If you do not like his style; Sergio Leone,
Whose spaghetti westerns represent the
Pinnacle of the genre, and also produced
Once Upon A Time In America, which I
Find to be among the saddest and most
Atrociously underrated films ever; Martin
Scorsese, who also made one hell of a sad
Movie, with Raging Bull, and is of course
Best known as the godfather of gangster
Movies (that aside, he had directed an
Excellent adaptation of The Invention of
Hugo Cabret, which does fall into the
Entertainment for all ages category), and
A stellar handler of period styles; Akira
Kurosawa, whose most reputed movies
I had watched all just this summer, and
Show the Japanese master as a pioneer
Of original, wildly influential cinematic
Tales, humanist compassion, and grand
Black-and-white photography; Ang Lee,
Versatile adapter of a rich collection of
Literary works; Michael Mann, the go-to
Director to make stylish urban thrillers;
Brian De Palma, another stylist (and the
Second most prominent user of bloody
Violence after Sam Peckinpah); and
Ingmar Bergman, Sam Mendes, Danny
Boyle, Christopher Nolan, Alan J. Pakula,
David Lean, Billy Wilder, Alfred Hitchcock,
Howard Hawks, Don Siegel, Sidney Lumet,
John Frankenheimer, Franklin J. Schaffner,
Isao Takahata, Steven McQueen, Darren
Aronofsky, Steven Soderbergh, and more
Greats I've yet to be introduced to. Of these
Fabulous directors I sang no long-winded
Praise for because I either had not seen
Enough of their films or they had not
Amassed a sufficiently wide-spanning
Filmography to be deemed consistently
Great. A great director uses the medium
Of film to communicate the language of
Art. Aside from music, film is arguably
The most expressive communication
Form there is; such a medium of
Expression cannot be bound solely
To commercial interests or mass
Appeal, and I think all great
Directors have understood
That, hence their ability to
Produced films of great
Merit, not simply because
They entertain, more
Because of what they tell.

27. The Sentimental Favorite

G!

I am thinking of Steven Spielberg
At 2 am because I had forgotten to
Write a monologue on Wednesday,
And I am trying to remember the
First Spielberg movie I ever saw,
But I can't, though I have a minor
Suspicion that it's Indiana Jones
And the Kingdom of the Crystal
Skull. Steven's movies are great
Because they have a lot of heart,
Which isn't what most great film-
Makers are known for; Spielberg
Is the sentimental master, and this
Is seen in everything from E.T. to
Amistad to Saving Private Ryan to
Schindler's List. No matter how grim
Or depressing the subject matter at
Hand, Steven handles it with the kind
Of compassion mostly reserved for
Cut pets. Steven's second forte is
Wholesale entertainment. Jurassic
Park, Jaws, the Indiana Jones flicks,
Close Encounters of the Third Kind,
The genre of action adventure would
Be a lot less entertaining of Steven
Never made movies. His ventures
Into darker territory, such as Empire
Of the Sun, Minority Report, Munich,
To name a few, are equally engrossing,
But still sentimental. It seems almost
Criminal for a Steven Spielberg film
To depict the unpleasant head-on, such
As in War Horse, an execution takes
Place at the foot of a windmill, and
The firing squad shoots just as the
Sails rotate in front of the camera
To obstruct the 2 young deserters
Getting shot. Even when things get
As bloody as they do in Saving Private
Ryan, the story at the core of the movie
Is a noble and good-hearted one. With
The possible exception of Munich, Steven
Has not made a single movie where a
Trace of innocence, or optimism, is not
Preserved. All the better, because while
Great films can make us confront reality,
They too can wrap us in a reality better
Than the one we occupy, which is why
In the arsenal of great directors Steven
Spielberg will always be my
Sentimental favorite.

25. King of Style

G!

If a monologue about eclectic
Filmmaker Quentin Tarantino
Were to contain a reference
To some obscure movie twice
Every sentence, only that would
Do his name any justice. He who
Is the king of homages, pastiches
And bold spins on the works of
Other directors is a fine example
Of film bluff to movie director, and
The living proof that if you've seen
Enough movies, you could probably
Make a few yourself. Quentin's hot
Streak of modern classics started
With Reservoir Dogs, an excellent
Crime caper and nod to Kubrick's
The Killing. His next film is the one
Everyone knows: Pulp Fiction, in
Which John Travolta, Samuel L.
Jackson, Uma Thurman, Bruce
Willis and ensemble simply ooze
With style. Despite only being
Twenty years old, the movie is
Already an icon. I'd quote one
Of the numerous famous lines
From Pulp right now, but I've
Only seen it once, sadly. I have
Also not seen Quentin's homage
To blaxploitation films: Jackie
Brown (though I did see Django
Unchained, but that one's more
Of a southern western; like with
The Coen Brothers, you're never
Sure what one genre Quentin's
Movies belong to). The two Kill
Bill movies (best seen as one whole
Martial arts epic with intermission)
Again features an over-the-top
Amount of cool, style and pure
Badassery, and affirmed Quentin's
Prowess with high velocity action
Sequences (In Reservoir Dogs and
Pulp Fiction, the violence was more
Restrained to sudden outbursts),
Something he repeated in the way
Of car chases, with Death Proof.
The first of Quentin's movies I've
Seen turned out to be his wacky
WWII thriller, Inglourious Basterds,
Which ends the war in a way only
Someone who really enjoys their
Fiction can end it, Tarantino style.
From unexpected plot twists to
Hilarious use of expletives, with
Gruesome violence and badass
Characters on the side, topped
With indelible dialogue that must
Be heard in all its blazing glory
Within the film for maximum
Enjoyment, a Quentin picture
Is a movie bluff at his glorious,
Finest two hours.

23. A Maker of Thrillers

G!

The beginning of the speedy decline
Of the once great Alien Franchise
Can be attributed to the third film in
The series, the directorial debut of
Now highly acclaimed filmmaker
David Fincher, who can't be blamed
For the film's failure, as his otherwise
Excellent filmography will show. A
Quick glance at the works of this
Exceptional craftsman indicates a
Strong affinity towards the thriller
Genre; first there's the terrifying
Detective thriller Se7en, one of
The scariest movies ever made;
Then came cult favorite Fight Club,
A wickedly smart psychological
Thriller that is arguably the best
Movie ever made on the subject
Of anarchy; distorted reality thriller
The Game and home invasion thriller
Panic Room also came out of this
period. Fincher's canvas expanded
beginning with Zodiac, the true story
Detailing the investigation of the
Zodiac Killer cases, still very much
A mystery thriller. His next effort,
The Curious Case of Benjamin
Button, finds Fincher departing
From the thriller genre for the first
Time, creating a biographical period
Drama with hints of magic realism;
The element of mystery still features
In this strange tale of Brad Pitt aging
Backwards against the backdrop of
The twentieth century. The Social
Network, the most hip movie of the
Year it was released in, substitutes
Thriller conventions for a taut and
Suspenseful drama about deception
Using the creation of Facebook as
The basis of its fictionalized plot. The
American adaptation of The Girl With
The Dragon Tattoo sees Fincher's
Return to his signature thriller genre.
His upcoming feature Gone Girl also
Seems to be another mystery thriller.
His relative consistency in genre aside,
David Fincher is also distinct among
Acclaimed modern directors as a
Subtle master of style. Unlike his
More flashy contemporaries such
As Michael Mann and Ridley Scott,
Or more nuanced ones like Paul
Thomas Anderson, the technical
Polish of David Fincher's films are
Varied yet extremely consistent, from
The decadent city in Se7en to the
Vintage look of Benjamin Button,
From the noir-like atmosphere of
Zodiac to the bleak grimness of Girl
With the Dragon Tattoo. Stylized
Title sequences, precise execution
Of story, intensity of atmosphere
And effective camera angles are
Other commendable features of
A David Fincher film. His works
Touches the equilibrium between
Art and entertainment with greater
Accuracy than even Christopher
Nolan; perhaps no other director
Of the present age has achieved
Such fine balance, such thrilling
Balance.

21. Masterminds in Animation

G!

This monologue will be quite
Different from all the ones
Preceding it; it is not about
One director; it is about five,
Namely John Lasseter, Pete
Doctor, Brad Bird, Andrew
Stanton and Lee Unkirch.
These names might not ring
A bell for you unless you've
Only become introduced to
Their work after you've
Reached the age where
You begin to look at movies
Based on who directed them.
You will however recognize
The name Pixar, the name of
The greatest movie studio in
The history of cinema (aside
From Studio Ghibli), animated
Or otherwise, whose perfect
Track record had only just
Recently been soiled by one
Mediocre movie. Epic in scope,
Meticulous in execution, awe-
Some in creativity, unparalleled
In originality (except against
Studio Ghibli) and almost never
Without heart, Pixar's assembly
Of great films are in need of no
Introduction: the Toy Story Trilogy,
A Bug's Life, Monsters Inc., Cars,
Finding Nemo, The Incredibles,
Ratatouille, WALL-E, Up, and
Hopefully more to come. I have
Not seen Brave or Monsters
University, but when it's Pixar,
I can safely expect a good film,
With good production values,
If not a great film (Cars 2 was
A good spy flick, it just wasn't
Exceptional). If anything, the
Work of Pixar has proven the
Animated movie to be right on
Par with its live action counter-
Part. The animated film is wholly
Capable of everything live action
Can deliver, and more. Those
Essence of great filmmaking:
Plot, characters, imagery, and
Music, are never forsaken by
Pixar. We need to realize that
Animated movies are not just
For children; the medium of
Animation does not appeal
Solely to people unburdened
With the responsibilities of
Life; the enjoyment of creativity
Is a privilege every human being
Shares, and rightfully deserves.

19. The Artificial Storyteller

G!

With a style more distinct than
Any other filmmaker, eccentric
Director Wes Anderson has
Made some neat little pictures
In his not yet two-decade old
Career that make the words
'Unique' and 'creative' sound
Like understatements when
Applied to describe his work.
Wes Anderson's style has not
Changed at all since he made
Bottle Rocket, a heist movie
I have not seen. I saw his
second movie: Rushmore,
Which might be seen as a
High school movie from the
Perspective of an autistic
Observer; and after that one,
The Royal Tenenbaums, a
Family drama also from the
Perspective of someone who
Is likely autistic. Anderson's
Characters all possess a blunt,
Deadpan quality that makes
Them quirky, almost likable;
A more introverted, naive, or
Loop-sided Monty Python,
If you will. The Life Aquatic
With Steve Zissou, a sea-
Adventure story, I have not
Seen. Then came two movies
That can arguably represent
The maturation of Anderson's
Style, which I maintain has not
Changed since his first picture:
The Darjeeling Limited, where
Adrien Brody, Owen Wilson
And Jason Schwartzman take
A train trip across India on a
Spiritual bonding journey to
Ditch their emotional baggage,
Which is sort of a continuation
Of The Royal Tenenbaums; and
Fantastic Mr. Fox, which proves
That Wes Anderson's style work
Just as well - if not better - in
Animation as it does live action,
After all, his movies all resemble
Storybooks (a narrator is some-
Thing used often in his films), the
Story is narrated while image,
So much like stills or illustrations,
Display on the movie screen; the
Stills themselves are usually and
Obviously artificial, which adds
To the impression of being a
Picture book. After Fantastic
Mr. Fox came Anderson's best
Film to date: Moonrise Kingdom,
A charming romantic adventure
Story that can be likened to a
More benign version of Malick's
Badlands. Then it is followed by
An epic of Anderson-proportions:
The Grand Budapest Hotel, where
Storybook images and multiple
Narrator-within-narrators work
At their most frantic to tell a
Quirky and surprisingly dark
Fable of a murder mystery, a
Prison break-out, and other
Grand story events best seen
Than told by me. After all,
Wes Anderson is the best
Storyteller (literally) who
Presently happens to work
In the medium of movies;
And a great storyteller is
All you need to enjoy the movies.

17. Failure's Satirist

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At first glance, you will
Not realize that the films
Of Alexander Payne are
More or less all about
Ordinary people getting
Failed in life, and getting
It hard. This is because
In an Alexander Payne
Movie we the audience
See the utter failures of
The characters through an
Intimate yet mocking lens;
When depressed alcoholic
Paul Giamatti loses it and
Drinks himself silly while in
California wine country with
Broken-nosed Thomas
Hayden Church, we laugh
At their sorry state of affairs
Because their misery is so
Incredible it makes life
Seem ridiculous, as often
Happens when we're
Depressed; when high
School teacher Matthew
Broderick (with a bee sting
On his eyelid) gets the ax
For sabotaging the school
Election (perhaps for the
Better), we laugh at the
Total disintegration of his
Life up to that point and
The cruel hilarity of his
Predicament; and when
George Clooney rages
At his comatose wife for
Cheating on him (the best
Of such scenes since Marlon
Brando rages at his dead wife
Beside her coffin in Last Tango
In Paris), we feel sorry for him
But laugh at his powerlessness
To settle his case in a meaningful
Confrontation (it's even funnier
Because it's George Clooney
Doing the raging). Sideways,
Election, The Descendants,
And a pair of road movies:
About Schmidt and Nebraska,
Where old Jack Nicolson and
Bruce Dern realize they've failed
Quite majorly their whole lives,
Are all movies about ordinary
People whose lives are in
Disarray, who fail in their
Quest to improve them-
Selves and go on living
Just as they had before.
By all accounts Payne's
Movies should be quite
Miserable experiences,
Yet they are not; at the
Rock bottom of misery
Lies the humor of black
Comedy; the wonderful
Films of Alexander Payne
Showcases failure in the
Most satirical, enjoyable
Light.

15. Botched

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The hilarious Uncyclopedia
Article on American filmmakers
The Coen Brothers (Joel and Ethan)
Sums up their career as follows:
"The Coen Brothers are a pair of
Brothers from Minnesota that
Make movies about fringe
American cultural stereotypes
And their botched crimes"
Which, believe it or not,
Sums up their filmography
In a way they probably would
Have agreed with. A Coen
Brothers movie holds the
Distinction of being instantly
Recognizable due first
Of all to how their characters
Talk. Whether it's hapless
John Turturro getting a verbal
Barrage from Michael Lerner
In Barton Fink or Frances
McDormand talking Minnesota-
Nice in Fargo, the dialogue in
Their movies are a feast for
The ears; arcane, inventive,
Charming, off-beat, or just
Plain verbose, if "the Dude
Abides" doesn't enrich your
Speech, what will? Then there's
All the botched plots, from the
Off-the-wall wackiness of
Raising Arizona to the in-
Comprehensible brilliance
Of Barton Fink; the pitch-
Black idiocy of Burn After
Reading to the befuddled
Head-scratching of A
Serious Man; the brutally
Funny out-of-control
Kidnapping plot of Fargo
to the straight adaptation
Of True Grit. With a Coen
Brothers movie, you never
What twist will come next
In their ever inventive plots
To keep their characters
Suffering blatant misfortunes
And cursed blessings. The
Genre-blending work of
The Coen Brothers has
One consistency among
Them: every one of their
Films is one part crime
Comedy; what the other
Part is you can only guess.
The same filmmakers who
Created the ultimate laid-
Back flick The Big Lebowski
Also made the bleak air-tight
Thriller No Country For
Old Men, with the fast-and-
Loose Homer adaptation
O Brother Where Art Thou
In the middle. They crafted
The cynical gangster movie
Miller's Crossing, and the
Cynical country music
Drama Inside Llewyn Davis,
Everyone from hitmen to
C.I.A. men to men suffering
A midlife crisis had been
Depicted in the quirky,
Unpredictable genius of the
Coen Brothers. They epitomize
The outlandish original that
Spins stories only they want
To tell that only they can
Come up with; their camera
Goes places most would not
Dream of to go; their style,
It ties the room together.

13. 'A P.T. Anderson Film'

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If you want your movies to
Fly in the face of everything
That's supposed to happen
In movies (and if you're not
Thinking about the works of
Charlie Kaufman after that
First sentence), then indelible
'Wunderkind' director Paul
Thomas Anderson is surely
Your cup of hot 80% cocoa
Chocolate with cinnamon
Marshmallows. The heading
'A P.T. Anderson Film' has
Several connotations: in such
A film you will encounter a
Vast array of characters, some
Of whom are prone to sudden
Outbursts of violence, threats
To commit acts of violence
(Especially memorable was
A character played by Tom
Cruise threatening to drop-kick
Some dogs; not just kick them,
But drop-kick them, and that
Makes a big difference between
Sophistication and a mindless
Threat), or just batshit crazy
Tantrums. That is not to say
All his characters are like that,
Some are just clueless and
Benign, some others are
Weary and senile. And all
Of them are easily the most
Interesting and extraordinary
Fictitious humans created on
This side of the Coen Brothers.
And what are intriguing characters
Without an intriguing camera to
Follow them around? Indeed, the
Thoughtfully framed, cerebral
Cinematography of A P.T.
Anderson Film has the kind
Of enticing self-awareness
That reels you in towards the
Delirious images not unlike
How a bug zapper attracts
Flies. The music in A P.T.
Anderson Film are also
Worthy of note, for they
Are of the best kind of
Off-kilter music providing
A pleasantly uncomfortable
Soundtrack to the off-kilter,
Strange and intense images
On screen, opening new
Possibilities for percussion,
A dominant feature in the
Soundtracks. P.T. Anderson
Has thus far six films to his
Name, I have seen five of
Them, and not one is weak:
there is Boogie Nights, an
Epic chronicle of the California
Porn industry during its golden
Age; Magnolia, the greatest
Salad drama since Robert
Altman's Shortcuts; Punch-
Drunk Love, a cute and crazy
Rom-com; There Will Be
Blood, where Daniel Day-
Lewis drinks everyone's
Milkshake (figuratively);
And The Master, which
Is about...well, something
Along the lines of a man's
Dissatisfaction with a New
Age religious movement
Perhaps, I'm guessing here.
A P.T. Anderson Film is a
conglomerate of Stanley
Kubrick, Quentin Tarantino,
Robert Altman and who knows
Who else I haven't caught on to?
His work bears a distinctiveness
And individualism like peppers
And cabbage in cake icing; let
Your tastes be enthralled.

11. An Australian In Any Genre

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I admit I have limited
Knowledge of Australian
Cinema, in fact, I have only
Seen at least one film from
A mere two Australian
Directors: Philip Noyce,
And the subject of this
Tribute, Peter Weir.
Weir's filmography
Indicates a director
Capable in any genre;
Like a more mainstream
Stanley Kubrick or
Paul Thomas Anderson;
A master seemingly
Without trademark.
That is no to say his
Films are bland, in fact,
Some of my favorite
Movies owe to his name
In the credits: the beautifully
Baffling horror mystery
Picnic At Hanging Rock;
The authentic and thrilling
Sea adventure Master and
Commander: The Far Side
Of the World; the brilliant and
Original Truman Show, which
Belongs in a category of its
Own; Witness, a detective love
Story unlike any other; Gallipoli,
The most devastating war film
Since All Quiet on the Western
Front; and of course, Carpe
Diem! A sentimental favorite
In the genre of boarding school
Dramas, Dead Poets Society.
On the side, there is the political
Journalism story The Year
Of Living Dangerously, the
Psychological thriller The
Last Wave, the Jeff Bridges
Character study Fearless,
And noteworthy efforts in
The horror genre. Weir's
Reliable tendency to make
Good movies out of good
Stories has produced one
Of the most stellar track
Records in all of cinema.
Weir is among the small
Group of filmmakers who've
Never made a bad movie,
And that's not even owing
To any distinctiveness in his
Style; the man simply has
A great eye for great ideas,
And that's something even
The most acclaimed director
Cannot do without. And
Did I mention that I think
Peter Weir is arguably the
Most grossly underrated
Directors working today?